For the last few days, as I open my eyes and see my daughter – usually after she has not so gently grabbed my nose or whacked me in the face – my thoughts have turned to two little boys now waking up without their mum.
I didn’t know Peaches Geldof but when I was looking for confirmation that sleeping in the same bed as my baby wasn’t the Worst Idea Ever, which every other bit of information seemed to suggest, her words were a ray of light in an otherwise dark world.
We came to attachment parenting, or at least the baby wearing/co-sleeping side of it, via the back door of reflux.
On her worst nights, Freya would wake up every 15 minutes, usually within an hour of first going off to sleep, and getting in and out of bed so often to try and comfort her was pushing me beyond my limits.
I was desperate and one night I pulled out the sofa bed and brought her in with me so that when she woke, and the poor little thing writhed about in discomfort most of the night, I could gently move her to a more comfortable position and then hopefully go straight back to sleep myself.
The next day I did what desperate people do and searched the internet for suggestions on how to safely co-sleep and amid the terrifying warnings, there was Peaches not only positive about bed sharing but promoting it.
Although it wasn’t the answer, it was certainly part of the solution for us and thankfully it made me at least feel less like a zombie all day and more able to properly care for Freya.
Peaches talked several times about sharing a bed with her boys, including on This Morning, and the bond she hoped it would bring them but now I wake up worrying that they might not be able to sleep without her. I know this is a silly as I have no idea of their circumstances and, when she attended events or had to work, someone must have been there to get them to sleep. And, of course, there will be many many things they miss about their mum.
I normally don’t have much to say when a celebrity passes away but, perhaps because she inadvertently helped me during a really dark time, I felt a connection.